Who am I?

Okay, so I've gone from like 0 to 60 in less than a week.
I have had one serious boyfriend in my entire life. And by serious I mean, we were together less than a year but we kissed and I was infatuated with him but had no idea how he felt about me and had no idea what to do with my infatuation and freaked out a little bit and ruined the best thing that probably ever happened to me.
But I'd never tell him that.
So after I graduated high school, I went off to college and got my "college-girl" on. Where I went out every weekend getting drunk and hooking up with the hottest thing that would dance with me.
And by hooking up, I mean making out. Strictly making out. No going home together or sneaking into the bathroom, just. making. out.

That was freshman year. Sophomore year I behaved a little better. I only hooked up with one guy, but we took it further. I still am a virgin, so not that far, but further.
I wasn't in the club every weekend, and when I was I usually stuck with the girls to try not to look like a hoe, and to try to avoid getting aids because I was feeling very DTF.

This year, I'm living at home, so when I get drunk I need a place to stay, because I'm not driving nor am I coming home to my parents shwasted. And TWICE in one week, (I feel like such a hoe) I have stayed with 2 different guys.

Granted, the 2nd guy and I just cuddled. But he really wanted to do more and now continues to ask me over every night. I'm like Bitch, I don't want you.

But this first guy, I may be the closest thing to in love that I have been since high school! Or, freshman year when I hooked up with a guy who actually made me laugh.
Seriously, we made out for almost 2 hours and he was the best kisser ever. Before, after, and even during our make out sesh we talked. Like, deep convo, get-to-know-you convo, and sex convo. Everything rolled into one night.
We were up all night, from midnight to 5am. Cuddling, talking, making out.

He didn't pressure me to do anything. He backed off the second I said I don't want to.
He said, "What do I have to do?"
I said, "Be more than 'that guy I met at Stewie's one night.'"
And we cooled down and cuddled and talked about everything from family, to our dreams for the future, and why we are where we are, etc. I've just never met a guy like him, ever.

It's been a week and I keep reliving that night. I left without saying goodbye, because I had class really early and didn't want to wake him. Looking back, biggest mistake ever. I could have at least put my number in his phone so he could call me sometime.
I don't know, I'm so bad with goodbyes. I will probably cry if I never see him again. I will be heart broken if I see him again, and he doesn't try to talk to me about that night or get my number.

Ugh. Anyway, what's your story? What do you do after a late night hook up to make sure you see the guy again?

Jobless.

I am kind of upset with myself for not having blogged the past few weeks. That was really my shot to clue you in on who I am, how my life was going, etc.

I feel like if I just start here, you might be a little lost.

Today was my last day at my job. I woke up and went straight to work. I woke up too late to eat and had to go straight in to my 7 hour shift.

I'm a sales associate for a store in the mall. I've been working there for about... 4 months now. And I wouldn't mind continuing to work there, they just make it impossible for me to have a life.
They don't even make the schedule until Saturday. The LAST day of the week. So if you wanted to have plans on Sunday, you can't make them until Saturday night.

Because heaven forbid you try to change your availability. It takes 10 minutes just to say you can't work a certain day or certain hours in a day, and you need a manager to help you log in and type it in.
And heaven forbid you need a manager. It's always "too busy" or just not a good time!
"Come back later," is what I always got. And in my head I replied, "I have a life, and now is the time for me to talk to you. So I guess you will just find out what I have to say when it's happening," ie: quitting.

I tried to talk to her for weeks about me keeping my job through school, changing my availability, and the issues I have with getting my schedule only a day before the week starts. (uhh, I have a life.)
But every time I tried to talk to her she either said "Later," or she wasn't there.

Let's get one thing straight. I don't like work. The ONLY reason I work is because it is necessary. I've had 3 jobs, and never kept one longer than 4 months. I'm like a job whore, I get what I want, and then I leave.
Last year I waited tables only as long as I had to to pay rent (4 months). It was a terrible, terrible job. I cried almost every night when I left work. Parked outside of my apartment cleaning tears off my face so my roommate wouldn't know I'd been crying. It was not a good situation and so I got out of it as soon as I could.
I worked the summer before that on a horse farm earning and saving money for rent. I wanted so bad to move out on my own, I worked 9 hour days, 6 days a week. Sometimes more. I traveled from SC to TN to GA weeks at a time for horse shows. That was an experience I didn't mind, and will never forget.

So that 7 months of work held me over so I could live in an apartment for a year. But as soon as that year was up, I jet out of that city and moved back in with my parents.
I have 2 more years until living with them is not an option. After graduation there's no way they'd allow me to live there, and there's no way I would allow myself to live there out of pure embarrassment.

I guess this is where Theory X comes into play. Definition number 3) they have little or no ambition, prefer to avoid responsibility, and choose security above everything else. 

I definitely hate responsibility. It freaks me out. I don't even like the fact that with a blog, I feel like I have to blog regularly.
I am not very ambitious. I'm more like, "Ehh.. that would be nice. That would be really nice. If it happens that'd be great. But I'm not gonna try to hard for it."
And moving out on my own, well, it was kind of scary. I had to have this much money by the end of the month to pay rent. I had to be able to afford groceries or I wasn't eating.
Paying for cleaning supplies, electricity, toiletries, groceries.. it's all stuff you take advantage of before you live on your own.
Next thing you know you're stealing toilet paper from public restrooms, taking home extra ketchup packets and napkins from McDonalds, and eating only bread, ramen noodles and water.
(all of this is a true statement of my life.)

So here I am, jobless, living above my parents, trying to figure out where I want to go from here.

Theory X Girl

Sitting here, watching How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days, sippin' on a cold one.

That's me. 20 years old, living upstairs above my parents, about to start my 3rd year in college.

What happened? How did I end up here. This is not where I expected to be at this age. I'm not who I expected to be. I'm single, I look 12, and rather than being on my way to a successful career as an ambitious business woman, I'm on my way to a 5 year degree as a passionless alcoholic who can't decide on a major.

Now that I've explained myself. Let me explain my name.

In his 1960 book The Human Side of Enterprise, Douglas McGregor proposed 2 theories by which to view employee motivation.

Theory X assumptions are: (1) most people dislike work and will avoid it to the extent possible, therefore (2) they must be continually coerced, controlled, and threatened with punishment to get the work done, and that (3) they have little or no ambition, prefer to avoid responsibility, and choose security above everything else. 

Theory Y assumptions are: (1) physical and mental effort are natural and most people (depending on the work environment) find work to be a source of satisfaction, (2) they generally, on their own motivation, exercise self-control, self-direction, creativity, and ingenuity in pursuit of individual and collective (company) goals, (3) they either seek responsibility or learn to accept it willingly.

Me? I am absolutely, so very Theory X About It.